


sabrina and michelle

by vvelna



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F, Genderswap, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 08:30:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16193849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vvelna/pseuds/vvelna
Summary: Snapshots from the life of Sabrina Howell and Michelle Lester.





	sabrina and michelle

Sabrina spotted her in the science fiction section, crouching by the bottom shelf. Face set in concentration, tongue between teeth. Lanky body curled up surprising small to fit in the narrow space between shelves. The local queer bookshop utilized every bit of its cramped space.

The crouching woman was wearing a plaid button-up. Red, faded—like it had been washed many times. Black skinny jeans, blue and gray Vans. A glimpse of mismatched socks. Her black hair was swept up in a high quiff and a silver ring passed through the left side of her bottom lip. When she realized someone was standing over her, she looked up and gave Sabrina a better view of her big blue eyes.

Michelle took in the sight of the stranger slowly, from the ground up. Platform combat boots, well scuffed. Legs for days. A tight, black, faux-leather mini skirt. Black sequined jacket. Long neck leading up to a wide grin, warm brown eyes accented with winged black liner and shimmering silver shadow. A pile of fluffy, brown curls sat atop her head, and small, silver hoops adorned her ears. She looked ten feet tall.

“Hey, you’re really pretty,” said Sabrina.

_ Was that too forward for an opening line?  _ Too late. At least Sabrina could always run away and never return to the bookshop if need be.

Michelle blushed and tried not to smile too much. She stood up. If the other woman hadn’t been in platform boots, she’d only be an inch or two taller.

“Oh. Um, hi. Thank you. You…you’re really pretty too.”

Michelle wished she could be suave and sexy like the woman in front of her—the woman who had just cruelly blindsided her with a dazzling smile and a compliment.

“I’m Sabrina.”

“Michelle.”

A look of understanding passed between them. They shook hands.

“Can I buy you a coffee, Michelle?”

“Only if you let me buy you one.”

*

“It’s nice to meet a girl who’s taller than me,” said Michelle.

They’d folded themselves around a little circular table in the corner of the Starbucks across the street from the bookshop.

“World’s tallest lesbian, at your service,” Sabrina replied with a wink.

Michelle ducked her head and hid her smile by taking a sip of her sugary, highly-caffeinated drink. She didn’t usually do things like this—meet a person and then immediately grab a coffee. It made her heart flutter in an anxious way. But it felt right.

Sabrina was glad Michelle wasn’t looking at her because her face had flushed pink right after she winked.  _ Who does that? Who winks?  _ She took a big sip of her iced coffee and winced at the brain freeze.

Michelle was smiling when she raised her head. Apparently the cringey wink wasn’t a deal breaker.

“So—”

“So—”

They spoke at the same time and laughed awkwardly. Michelle fiddled with a straw wrapper, tying it in knots. She didn’t really go on dates. How were you supposed to behave? Especially when the girl across the table was so beautiful?

Sabrina felt like the tension had eased somewhat. Once they’d sat down, the bravado that led her to walk up to Michelle had diminished, but her confidence was gradually returning.

They sipped their drinks in silence for a bit. Sabrina reminded herself that everything was fine. They were just getting to know each other. It was a casual little coffee date, and the stakes weren’t high. Once she felt more composed, she decided to try getting a conversation going again.

“So, Michelle, how do you pay your bills?”

Michelle’s heart sunk a little. Not terribly, but enough that she hesitated before answering. She’d had a lot of conversations with people who didn’t “get” her occupation, or thought it wasn’t a real job. But did she really want this thing—whatever it was—to go any further if Sabrina wasn’t going to take her seriously?

“I’m a blogger. So, basically I make money off the ad revenue and sponsored posts.”

“No fucking way.” Sabrina slapped the table with both hands, startling Michelle.

“Sorry?” She’d prepared herself for various reactions—dismissiveness, polite faked interest, genuine curiosity—but not table slapping.

“That’s  _ my _ job! I blog, too,” said Sabrina, enthusiasm raising the volume of her voice.

She lit up with the biggest grin Michelle had ever seen. Her mouth was almost too wide for her face, but it was adorable. It sort of made Michelle want to lean across the table and kiss her. The strength of the urge scared her a little bit.  _ Oh my god. Calm down. _

She did her best to subtly take a deep breath while simultaneously biting back a smile. The straw wrapper tore in her hands and she let it fall to the table.

“What about?” she asked, voice level.

“Mostly fashion and music. Sexuality. The occasional dose of politics. You?”

Sabrina was practically vibrating with excitement. Finally, a person who might not be put off by her talking about her blog. So many people she knew found it boring; she could see them zoning out as she spoke. They didn’t want to know about site formatting, the perfect photo-to-text ratio for posts, and ad space pricing.

“Media and pop culture. Mostly TV, movies, and video games.”

From there they discussed their blogs and interests in more depth. It turned out they had quite similar tastes in television shows and movies. Some of their musical tastes overlapped as well, and they were both avid gamers. Sabrina could tell that Michelle didn’t really give a shit about fashion, but she still listened with rapt attention while she spoke about it.

They made plans to get coffee again the next day.

*

Sabrina leaned back in her chair. She was sat beside Michelle in front of her desk, eyes sore from hours of playing games on Michelle’s PC. It had only been three weeks since they’d first met, and she didn’t think she’d ever felt more at ease with another person so quickly. They’d been on a few “official” dates, but mostly they just bounced back and forth between each other’s flats, preferring to stay in and enjoy each other’s company in peace. 

Sabrina examined the controller in her hand, feeling for the rough spots she’d noticed while they were playing. She ran her thumb over the ridges in the plastic, then examined them closely.

“Mich, why do your controllers have teeth marks on them?”

Michelle fiddled with her own controller, absentmindedly rotating one of its analog sticks.

“Uh, would you believe me if I said I had a secret dog I never told you about?”

“No, but I might’ve believed you had a friend who brought a dog over.” Sabrina fought to keep a smile from overtaking her face. 

“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

“You’re such a strange person!”

Sabrina couldn’t keep the fondness in her voice down to a reasonable level. The silliest little things about Michelle made her heart swell. 

“You love it,” Michelle teased.

Sabrina spun her chair toward Michelle, and grabbed hers to pull it around so they were facing each other. She tugged her closer by the armrests of her chair.

“Unfortunately, I do.”

*

They sat at their table in Starbucks. 

“We’ve been dating for two months and you’re asking me to move in with you? You’re such a cliché,” said Sabrina.

Michelle froze, hand halfway to her coffee cup. The leg she’d been bouncing stilled. She was afraid she’d made a grave mistake and completely misjudged the boundaries of their relationship.  _ Of course _ it was ridiculous to suggest they move in together. It was probably downright creepy.

She hurried to explain herself and gloss over her faux pas.

“I just thought—you said your landlord was a dick, and your lease’s almost up, so...”

It took Sabrina a second to realize that Michelle had interpreted her teasing as a refusal. She had thought Michelle was asking as more of a formality.  _ Of course _ she wanted to move in. She’d already brought plenty of her possessions over and left them strewn all about the flat.

Sabrina reached across the table and took Michelle’s hand, squeezing it firmly. She waited until Michelle had lifted her head to meet her eyes before she spoke again.

“I’m in.”

Maybe it wasn’t the most level-headed decision. On paper—or in someone else’s life—it might be a mistake. All Sabrina knew was that it gave her a quick rush of adrenaline, followed by a warm, calm feeling when she saw how Michelle’s anxiety melted into bashful happiness. If she had to describe the emotion, she would use words like  _ comfort, safety,  _ and _ relief. _

*

Two weeks later, Sabrina and Michelle sat on the sofa in their flat. Sabrina had sat beside Michelle there many times, but only as a guest. Now she could sit there whenever she wanted. She was on the very edge of a cushion, eyes fixed to the TV screen. 

Tanooki Mario pulled ahead of Inkling Girl at the last second.

“Come on, come on! Come on! I can taste it….YES!” Michelle dropped her controller into her lap and raised her fists above her head in triumph.

“Fuck! How did I lose to you on Rainbow Road?” Sabrina stuck her controller in her mouth and bit down, teeth fitting into old grooves.

“You won the last three races; it was my time to shine,” said Michelle. She bounced in her seat on the sofa, her whole body celebrating her victory.

Sabrina ran a hand through her hair and grimaced.

“I let you win because you’re cute. Wanted to see you laugh and do that weird tongue thing.”

“What weird tongue thing?”

Sabrina stuck her tongue out of the side of her mouth and crossed her eyes. She did a goofy laugh.

“I don’t do that!” cried Michelle, lightly smacking her arm.

“You do. Don’t worry, it’s disgustingly adorable.”

Michelle looked so flustered—brows drawn low over her eyes, cheeks flushed pink, mouth hanging just slightly open like she was about to speak but just hadn’t decided on the right words yet. Sabrina contemplated how many aspects of Michelle she’d yet to learn about or pick up on. Thinking about everything she’d been given the chance to know provoked an excitement not quite like anything she’d ever felt before.

*

They lay face-to-face in Michelle’s bed—no,  _ their _ bed. The room was warm and the sheets were soft. Time was slow and Michelle could see every line and freckle on Sabrina’s face, and loved each one.  

“Why Michelle?”

She was already naked, and the question left her feeling more exposed. But Sabrina had yet to make her regret letting herself be vulnerable.

“Promise not to laugh?”

“Of course,” she said, voice soft and sincere.

Michelle bit her lip. Her heart was picking up speed.  _ It’s fine. It’s just Sabrina. _

“Well, you know how I told you I was obsessed with  _ Buffy _ …”

“Oh my god.”

“You said you wouldn’t laugh!” Michelle cried. She covered her face with her hand and groaned.

“I’m not laughing,” said Sabrina, reaching out to stroke her arm. “You’re just so cute. Continue.”

“Well, I was totally in love with Sarah Michelle Gellar. Still kind of am. And even more than that, though, I think I always sort of wanted to be like Buffy. Like, she was my role model.”

Sabrina nodded. She really wasn’t laughing. She looked thoughtful and interested, and her hand was still on Michelle's arm.

“So when I was trying to find my name, she just popped into my head. I really like the name Michelle, too. It felt right.”

“It really suits you.”

Michelle didn’t know how to explain that somehow, that was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to her. She wasn’t even sure why she felt that way herself—why the simplest statement of validation from someone she loved made her want to cry. She squeezed her eyes shut to will the tears away, and smiled at Sabrina.

“Okay, so why Sabrina?”

Sabrina shrugged as best she could while lying down.

“There’s not really much backstory. Like you said, it just felt right. It felt like  _ me _ . I went through a bunch of other names. First one was Dani, but that was way too close. I felt like people weren’t taking me seriously.” She exhaled shakily. “And I guess a lot of people still don’t take me seriously, but this is who I am, you know? I’m Sabrina.”

Michelle shifted closer to kiss her.

“I love you, Sabrina.”

*

Michelle open the cupboard door and surveyed its contents. Boxes of cereal, bags of crisps, tea. And beside them a little line of pill bottles—two of estrogen, two of T-blockers, and one of antidepressants. She reached behind all of it and felt around in the furthest corners until her hand met something soft and squishy.

_ Yes! _

She pulled out the bag of mini marshmallows and tore the plastic open—perhaps a little to fervently—and quickly shoved a handful into her mouth.

“Michelle Lester!”

She whirled around. Sabrina was standing in the kitchen behind her, arms crossed. She was definitely trying to look annoyed, but the upturned corners of her lips were spoiling the attempt.

“We were going to bake with those! I told you not to eat them when I brought them home!”

Michelle couldn’t reply, as her mouth was still full of marshmallow. She clutched the bag to her chest like Sabrina might march across the room and take them from her.

“I even hid them, for fuck’s sake!”

Michelle swallowed. “You’re not very good at hiding things.”

Sabrina rolled her eyes in the most dramatic way possible, her whole head following the movement, even her shoulders tilting into it slightly. She was still grinning, though.

“Oh, right. This is completely my fault.”

She closed the distance between them, her smile growing ever wider.

“You know I have to punish you now, right?”

“Ooh, I’m so scared.”

Sabrina backed Michelle up against the counter and began to mercilessly tickle up and down her ribs.

Michelle managed to squeak out something about dropping the marshmallows between giggles.

*

Sabrina fluffed her hair, examining herself in the mirror hanging on the wall by the front door. She had a dusting of gold glitter on her cheeks and wore a deep purple, almost black, lipstick. She checked her teeth for flecks. She’d thought the color was a bit much at first, but Michelle had assured her that it looked good. (“Very ‘Queen of the Darkness.’ I like it.”) She’d gone for a heavy smoky eye and a shimmery highlighter on her cheekbones. It was a lot of makeup, and up close it looked a bit sloppy and unpracticed.

There was a part of her that wanted to run to the bathroom and scrub it all off. Replace it with a “natural” look—something delicate and understated. Change out of her gold and black pinstriped suit and spiky stilettos that made her tower over everyone, and throw on something that would let her blend in better. Another part of her thought she looked hot as fuck, and she decided to let that part win.

“Are you ready?”

Michelle sat on the edge of the sofa, gazing down at her feet planted firmly to the floor. They felt like lead weights; she wasn’t sure she could lift them if she tried. Her sparkly, ladybird-patterned jumper felt itchy, her new black jeans were too tight, and her glossy brogues pinched her toes. She was imagining the eyes whose gazes she’d be expected to return, the conversations she’d be required to stumble through, and the handshakes her sweaty palms and trembling fingers would have to endure.

“Go without me.”

“What? Why? What’s wrong?” Sabrina’s voice was high with alarm. It was the same one she used whenever she thought Michelle was hurt or sick.

Michelle swallowed around a lump in her throat.

“I just can’t do it tonight. I can’t walk around feeling everyone’s eyes on me.”

_ Please don’t be mad. _

There were only a few quiet moments before Sabrina spoke, but the heavy absence of sound felt suffocating. Michelle couldn’t tear her eyes away from her shoes; they blurred into dark blobs.

“Let’s stay in then. Pick a movie. I’ll order the takeaway.”

Sabrina would be lying if she said she wasn’t disappointed. Her heart sank a bit. But attending the premiere without Michelle would be worse than missing it. Going to the premiere with Michelle was the main reason she wanted to go. Events were always better when they were together. That’s what made them fun.

“No, you should go. I know you’ve been looking forward to this. You spent ages picking out that outfit and doing your makeup.”

Sabrina reached down to remove one of her heels, hopping awkwardly on one leg before switching to the other. She joined Michelle on the sofa—shoulder pressed to shoulder—and bumper their knees together.

“There’ll be other premieres, Mich. And I don’t mind getting all dressed up just for you.”

“Can we get Indian?” Michelle asked quietly, leaning into her.

“Of course.”

She didn’t get up right away. They sat together, listening to the sound of the traffic outside their flat, and the soft murmuring voices of their neighbors through the walls.

*

“Okay, now click there to publish the post.”

Sabrina moved the cursor over the “Publish” button but didn’t click.

“Sabrina?”

She’d written guest posts for other blogs before. That wasn’t new, but publishing a post on Michelle’s blog was different. They’d been together for seven months and lived together for five, and their professional lives had yet to properly intermingle. This felt like huge step in a direction that led to an unknown destination. This felt like something that could never be undone.

“What if it’s terrible and your readers hate it? What if they hate me?”

Michelle laughed and patted Sabrina on the back. “Don’t worry, my readers are nice. They’re gonna love you.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“It’s a great post. Trust me, even if it bombs for some reason, and you lose me half my readership, and I have to become a lounge singer to survive—”

“Why a lounge singer?”

“—I will still love you, okay?”

Sabrina searched Michelle’s face for any trace of doubt or reluctance, and found none. Without turning away to face the screen, she clicked.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading! kudos and comments make my heart sing like a frog in a bog.
> 
> [ reblog/like on tumblr ](https://velvetnautilus.tumblr.com/private/178741864430/tumblr_pg3jo3NLad1wm9q5f)


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